Since the beginning of the school, Gever has been teaching us "Montreal class", in which we imagine a scenario in which we are college students living with a roommate in Montreal, and how do we juggle finances and feeding ourselves with real food and surviving without (gasp!) parents.
Regrettably, due to my attending a different school during the rock arc, I missed what feels like a very significant chunk of the lessons, but then again so did Cassandra.
At my old school, (obviously) they never taught us how to use and manipulate spreadsheets or how to calculate budgets and plan for the future. As naive as it may sound, I've seen Gever do in a couple of keystrokes in Google Sheets what I feel like it would take me weeks to get the hang of to the point where I could use it practically.
Asking for help in front of everyone is hard and embarrassing to say the least. I confess that most of the time it's difficult for me to focus on the point Gever is trying to make about finances in class when I don't have all the spreadsheet commands and formulas memorized just yet. And it doesn't help that I don't have a job that I could keep track of, an advantage that some of my bandmates have over me even this early on in the game. Montreal class is, subjectively, quite overwhelming and, at times downright hard to swallow and process.
The topic we were mainly focused around last Thursday was the benefit of a bank account and the wonderful concept of interest rates. If I'm being perfectly honest, I already knew the formula for compound interest but the mechanics of the spreadsheets continued to intimidate and frustrate me. It's just so foreign and... not intuitive for me.
Plus we are trying to plan an actual secret-not-secret trip to Montreal which feels totally out of reach and unachievable but I'm still trying to be supportive but its all very internally distressing when I don't know the steps and I feel like dead weight to the team. Useless. Holding them back. A disappointment.
But that's a thing I'm grappling with anyway. Which is harder? Knowing what to do or how to do it? Is it okay to gauge my self-worth by how I perceive my average progress?
Then I remind myself, the only way out is through. And I will get through, even if that means asking for help, admitting that I am struggling, and that I'm a more than bit scared.
stay tuned, space rangers
No comments:
Post a Comment